Sometimes I feel guilty that I have lived with cancer for over 30 years. Dawn had triple negative breast cancer and fought hard for 3 years. She passed away last week. She gave it her all, emotionally and financially. She knew more about her cancer, and both chemotherapy and integrative treatments, than any patient I have met. She paid thousands of dollars for full-time alternative treatments for 3 months. She went to a Joe Dispenza advanced week-long workshop and was sure she would be able to meditate her cancer away. I only went to a week-end workshop. She had adorable grandchildren that she loved dearly and that gave her a strong purpose for living. Since I’m not producing conferences anymore, I’ve wondered what my purpose is. No grandchildren and no hope of any.

Although I have to believe that what I have done (and am doing) makes a difference in the progression of my cancer, it’s clearly not the whole story. Dawn used many of the strategies I use, plus some, and she is gone.

I have a quote hanging by my desk that says, “The purpose of our aliveness is to strike our gift against the needs of the world.” I am grateful; I am humbled; and I am continuing to look for the best use of my gifts. There must be a reason I am still here.

For the first three months of this pandemic, I didn’t have my monthly blood test, leaving me with no evidence that what I was doing was making a difference. I had a blood test this month, and my cancer marker number went up by 26. Considering that the number is over 3,000, going up by only 26 in three months looks like stability to me. My oncologist agrees. With metastatic cancer, stability is the most one can hope for. Yay! I will wait another 3 months to have another blood test. It’s kind of nice not to agonize over that number every month.

I have an Excel spreadsheet with 28 items on it that I check off (or not) every day. Twenty-eight strategies that I believe make my body less welcoming to cancer. Some of them I learned from my integrative MD; some from my ND; and some from Dr. Thomas Cowan’s book, Cancer and the New Biology of Water, (which I recommend). I thought of sharing my list with you, but I don’t believe that what is good for me is necessarily good for you. What our bodies need is so individual, and you may not need what I need.

My intuition was a major factor in choosing my strategies. If you want to create such a list for yourself, I would be happy to help you work on it.