The last time I wrote in my blog, I indicated my goal was to write in it every 2 months. I’m impressed with how quickly that amount of time has passed. In preparation for writing today, I re-read the comments you made after my last blog entry, and was deeply moved all over again. I read every comment (more than once) and appreciate hearing from you.

This blog is about my healing journey. I will share with you my experiences along the journey, but we aren’t aiming for any particular destination. In describing my current state of health, I have more questions than answers about what is going on with my body. My major symptoms now are tiredness and shortness of breath.

I had a PET scan two weeks ago and it was compared with one 6 months ago. The good news is that there are many paragraphs in the report that start out with “There is no significant change in . . . .” Of course the 3 page report is full of words I’m unfamiliar with, but the bottom line says “The larger left hepatic (liver) metastases and higher uptake in the right hilum (lung) and left adrenal gland suggests some disease progression.”

I am continuing on the protocol of alternating taking Estradiol and Arimidex (a month or two each). When I’m on the Estradiol my cancer marker numbers go down. When I’m on Arimidex, they go up. One would expect the opposite, but it seems like the Estradiol confuses the cancer enough that it regresses temporarily.

Swollen ankles indicated that my heart might be involved, so I have added a cardiologist to my health care team. I’ve had a transesophageal echocardiogram (TEE), a procedure where they put something down my esophagus to do an ultra sound of the heart.

The TEE report said that I have moderate regurgitation of both my mitral and aortic valves, and severe dilation of the left atrium. It’s been fun to look at diagrams of the heart online and learn about how all the valves function. I’ve been referred to the heart valve clinic to be evaluated for a valve replacement.

Some of the questions now have to do with what is causing what. I am guessing that the issues in my heart are caused somehow by the compromised functioning of my lungs. I’ve had metastatic cancer in my lungs since 2011. Chest X-rays and PET scans talk about pleural effusion, meaning there is fluid in the lining of the lung. I have had the lining of my left lung drained twice, once in January and once in the beginning of June this year. It has filled up again and I expect it will soon be drained for the third time.

I don’t think I should rule out other factors that could be contributing to my general lack of energy. One purpose for the birth of “Cancer as a Turning Point: From Surviving to Thriving,” the conference we produced for 30 years, was to consider the whole person – mind, body, and spirit. I have to remember that now and not look exclusively at the body for etiology.

The heat in Sacramento for the past month has been oppressive. By the time I get up it is already too hot to go for a walk. I am aware every day how different the world feels without Bob (my son’s father) in it, so add grief in there as a contributing factor. Because I have just retired, I am also grieving the loss of community and meaningful activities on a daily basis. And then there’s climate change, political divisiveness, and COVID to add energy-sapping anxiety.

What am I doing to counterbalance these energy drains? Meditating, meeting weekly with my meditation group and a spiritual growth group; reading spiritual texts and daily inspirational messages; going to an Antsy McClain concert; a weekend out of town with friends; reading “The Book of Hope” by Jane Goodall; watching the Olympics; going to Orcas Island for a week; and looking forward to a retreat at the ocean in September. I am hoping another lung draining will also help.