The report of my PET/CT scan last week used words like ‘extensive’ and ‘markedly progressed.’ It talked about pulmonary, pleural, and nodal disease. It sounded pretty scary.
When I met with my oncologist yesterday, she said it wasn’t as scary as those words made it sound. There is continual progression of disease, but it is still slow progression and the rate of increase is pretty much what it’s been for the past year.
Of course my goal is to reverse that process and I am feeling a new resolve to do my best to allow that to happen. I want to use the many tools I already have, addressing body, mind, soul, and spirit. At the recommendation of my oncologist, I have started taking an aromatase inhibitor, Femara. I haven’t been taking the anti-cancer supplements prescribed by my ND for several months because of my diarrhea (it stops when I stop the supplements). I am hoping to try again, and am waiting for an appointment with my Naturopathic doctor.
The day after I read the results of my PET/CT scan I had a phone session with Dr. Matt, a cancer coach. He helped me not go down the rabbit hole of fear, and instead focus on what my heart needs now and what brings me peace and joy. I know that the more relaxed and centered I can be, the better my body/mind can heal. I am meditating and exercising on a regular basis, and being more mindful about what and how I eat.
Sometimes I feel optimistic and happy, and willing to accept healing into life or healing into death. And sometimes I feel very sad. There have been two deaths from cancer in my world in the past week, so sadness and grief are definitely part of my emotional terrain at the moment.
I have enough experience with cancer in myself and others to know that the only thing I can control is how I live and feel in the moment. Sometimes that influences the progression of cancer, and sometimes it doesn’t. I can’t be attached to a particular outcome, even though I do have a preference.
It’s too soon to know what effect my recent tooth extraction will have on the progression of disease. I will have monthly blood tests and my preference, and my vision, is that my tumor marker numbers will start going down next month. In the meantime, I am excited about the retreats and workshops I am planning for Healing Journeys this year because I’m planning what I feel will be useful for me.
One prayer that we could all say is that people realize the power of the words that they use. You were unnecessarily thrown into “worst case scenario” language. Thank goodness that you have other voices in your life that provide a different, equally real, and more balanced perspective. Hugs to you as you continue your important work. I have referred several people to Healing Journeys in the past few weeks.
Hi Jan,
Femara is helping to control some of my mets and I’m grateful for its assistance.
There’s a great topic about it at https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/78/topics/726592
If you read from November 2015-present, there are many posts about the original Femara different generic forms of tetrazole and the various additives. Roxanne and Teva seem to have the fewest inert ingredients, in case you too are looking for a purer choice.
btw, I’m now on hospice and am allowed to continue on Femara, because it’s treating my symptoms, not a cure. Plus at about $10 monthly, it’s a deal!
healing regards, Jan, Stephanie
Jan, you are part of my meditation and loving support daily.
I am glad it is not as bad as those words sounded to me.
What a wise cancer coach.
On we go!
You are clearly getting wonderful coaching from the people you are working with. Have you investigated the Emotion Cde or Body Code work of Dr Bradley Nelson?very powerful!!
I am myself learning how to OBSERVE THE PROCESS WITH FASCINATION. I don’t believe that diagnostics that require radiation are helpful…in fact I believe that how you are feeling from moment to moment physically is the real indicator of how things are going. I choose not to work with oncologists, but rather people who are alternative and metaphysical healers. It works for me. But I realize we all have to follow the path that resonates with us.
Thanks Jan for sharing your current path along your journey. I learn much, I reflect and I give thanks. Looking forward to all u offer. Gentle Hugs
I don’t know if this will be helpful or not but I will put it out to you. 5 1/2 years ago, I was diagnosed with Stage III, metastatic gynecologic cancer. I did the surgery but chose not to do the chemo/radiation….as quality of life was more important to me than quanity. My initial oncologist became very upset with me, shook his finger in my face and said “If you do not do this treatment, this cancer will come back…..and that’s not going to be easy.” He then got up and walked out on me. Needless to say, I found another oncologist….one who was much more open in honoring that this was my decision…and we moved forward together with no judgement. I visted her every 3 months for surveillence visits and I got involved in a wonderful cancer survivorship program here in Portland, OR. This included working with a nutritionist/dietician, stress management clinician, mediation, yoga, etc. I remain cancer free….5 1/2 years later.
We never know for “certain” how this journey will go. We can only follow what we feel and think is best for us.
Best to you!
Sarah
We’re cheering you on from Silicon Valley, Jan! Woot-woot!
Dear Jan – I am very sorry that you received discouraging news. And I can totally relate to having moments and/or days of feeling sad, not for myself but for Les. We know how congestive heart failure ends. And he just had surgery last Friday for bladder cancer. So we join you in the strategy to do the best for health that you can and to live in the moment as much as possible. You have dealt with cancer for so long and I truly wish that had not been your journey for the last twenty-five years, but you have done so much good for so many in the meantime. My love and prayers are with you.
I read every one of your comments and appreciate your caring, your sharing, and your encouragement. I haven’t figured out a way in our system to respond to you individually, so am doing it generically. Thank you.
Always wishing you well!
Oh dear Jan, whatever happens, you seem to land in the “right” place, opening again and again to following your big heart. I just happened to find this email in my overly conscientious Junk curator and there were your words of your reawakening one more time to staying on the path to joy and peace. Exactly what I needed to be reminded of this morning as I wrestle with a not big, but, not insignificant decision. Certainly nothing like your Mt. Everest climb. And I am now clear about how to move forward. All of this is to say you continue to guide us with your hard won wisdom from whatever place you are. A class leader in every sense. I will hold you in my heart in my morning sits and sings. Looking forward to the months ahead to more from you. Always, Dee