by Nancy McKay
I am not going
To live forever.
I will die. Perhaps,
This decade or the next.
Definitely this century.
Limits. I did not die
On schedule after diagnosis.
Still. I am not limitless.
I bark my shins on things
That didn’t used to be there.
In the dream I am
Following a friend, someone
I feel good about. Someone younger.
We head down steep rocks.
Two and three foot boulders,
Angular.
These never have known
The rounding of sharp edges
By flowing waters.
High granite walls above,
Dark gray granite.
My friend easily descends
And disappears around below
And to the left. Remembering
How effortlessly I drop straight
Down in dreams, fully
In control of gravity,
I let go.
Now I see these rocks,
Their beauty. Strong colors,
Reds and blues.
My descent is colorful.
I have no fear.
Beyond the rocks I see only air.
The boulders behind me
Begin to shudder. All the rock
Face lets go in slow motion.
This is it.
I am going to die.
I will be conscious
And knowing. Still I am
Not afraid. I push out and forward
In a swan dive.
As I sail out, the melody
Of a hymn catches me.
I surf it. What faith
Taught is real.
I fly as I die.
Bio: Nancy McKay gives spiritual direction in the progressive Christian tradition. She also practices and teaches Bio-Spirituality through Focusing.
She is a former presenter at the Cancer as a Turning Point, From Surviving to Thriving™ conference and a current Healing Journeys Board Member.
