I’ve been writing in my blog about the six “treatments” that Kelly Ann Turner mentions in her thesis on unexpected remission from cancer. It’s interesting that two of them have to do with feelings. In the workshop Healing Journeys sponsored in March with Julie Interrante, she talked a lot about feelings, and we did some profound exercises around our feelings. Here are some of my notes from that workshop:
My feelings are my life force. It’s how I experience spirit moving through me. I can only heal when I let myself feel. When I repress my feelings, there is no movement. When I allow myself to feel, transformation is possible. Feelings are not meant to be fixed, but to be experienced.< This all makes sense to me theoretically, but it's so hard for me to practice, especially when the feeling is anger. I’m so uncomfortable with anger that I often don’t even let myself know that I’m feeling it. That’s repression, and it means it won’t move, and when that happens, it can run my life.
I’ve been practicing expressing anger when I’m aware of it, and have been surprised that it really has changed. Last week when I journaled about feeling angry at a friend, I got in touch with the underlying feelings of the deep love I felt for the person I was angry at, and my fear of losing her. When I could express all of that, I felt tender and warm and loving. What a transformation.
It’s scary to go beneath the anger and feel the vulnerable feelings that are usually there. And my experience is that it’s worth it. Expressing those vulnerable feelings with someone I love brings us closer together and I’d rather have that connection than to stay on my position and be right.
For most of my life, feelings haven’t been encouraged or valued. When I studied Non-Violent Communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg, I discovered that I had a very limited vocabulary for feelings. It helps me to get in touch with my feelings when I have a list of words to choose from. Here is a list on the NVC website that you can use when you are trying to identify or express feelings.
As I am dealing with another cancer recurrence, one of the strategies I am using is to value and address my feelings more. It’s not because I think that will get rid of the cancer, but because my feelings are how spirit moves through me. It’s what makes me feel alive. Feelings are what make me excited to get up in the morning. I want to stimulate them, feel them, express them, and transform through them. It’s about quality of life, and that’s what feels most important right now.
Click to leave a comment.
In the Spirit of Healing,
Jan Adrian, MSW
Founder and Executive Director
www.healingjourneys.org
Talking about vulnerability, Brene Brown who is a researcher and storyteller has written 3 books on the topic of vulnerability and shame. Daring Greatly is her most current book and the previous The Gifts of Imperfection is another great one. By reading these books I can see the signs of “armoring up” and “numbing” that she talks about in myself and others. It is another level of awareness in yourself and I find it freeing to see it so clearly when I really get honest with myself.
Love and Blessings.
Oh, yes! Honor and listen to those feelings respectfully and they will tell you a story you did not know. The classic question, “What in my body right now needs my loving presence?” can lead to one shift to another and on to greater healing.
I honor you for honoring your feelings and letting them flow on.
Dear Jan,
I attended one of the Cancer as a Turing Point workshops in Greenville, SC a number of years ago. It was so wonderful! I have been reading your messages that you send out. Just received the one today on feelings. I love how you write so openly and honestly. I don’t usually reply, but want you to know that I appreciate you. I send love, healing thoughts and wishes for complete remission for you. My daughter had stage 3 breast cancer at 33, a shock to all of us. After surgery, she went through chemo and radiation and is turning 50 this year with a wonderful 10 year old son. We are all so grateful. I know what support meant to her and how she continues to support others. The work you do is very valuable.
Blessings,
Jacque
Really missing the conference this year. Thank you for your emails. Take care of yourself. Hugs, Brenda (ovarian cancer 1998)
Thank your for your awesome reflections entry. It really spoke to me. Having great difficulty expressing anger has always been my issue. Your article gives me hope. Best wishes on your journey.
Betty
Jan, thanks so much for your reflections. I can identify with so much
you write about and can remember when I had to make a list of feelings to discover/identify them in myself. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who needed such a tool. Many blessings on you. Judy
Hi, Jan,
I especially like these lists and will use them personally and when writing meditations. Many thanks.
I hope you are doing well with any new treatment. Thanks for all you do and share.
Janis
Thank you for sharing so well.. anger.. wow.. to really stop and take a look. Thank you for being brave enough to share.. it really inspires me to take a good look at what is underneath… First to even identify it.. then to work with it and let it go… I realize how I must do this.. again, thank you for the right words at the right time…..
Jan, I love you so much!
You inspire me beyond words.
You remind me to breath, to feel, and to be open to all life’s possibilities.
Thanks for all you do!!
You are an amazing woman – a hero, for sure!
love you,
Diane xoxo
Everytime I read your blog and/or newsletter, I am amazed by how much you capture of yourself to share with the rest of us.
The list is so helpful for those of us who have a difficult time with our feelings.
We are so ever grateful to have you in our lives.
My family sends you many blessings and love and hope on this ongoing journey of yours.
Cathy
Just wanted to wish you all the best as you deal with your recurrence.
Dear Jan,
Although I have not been able to attend any of the events of Healing Journeys, I greatly enjoy your letters. Today’s comments created a wonderful bond of connection with you through your thoughtful statements.I agree with you so much that reading your column was an affirmation for me. I too, am an active student of NVC as taught by Marshal Rosenberg. Thank you for your sharing and continued comfort with your healing process.
Jan,
I admire you as a model of how to live life. Even when things are not perfect you find a way to express joy and gratitude. Now you have provided an excellent view on anger. I have recently joined the I AM Peace organization and we are mentoring youth on dealing with conflict resolution. You provided a new perspective on anger.
Thank you for the moving reminder of the power of language and NonViolent Communication. A beautiful sharing. I have been an NVC facilitator and its so good to refresh using the lists to expand expression!
greetings Jan,
read this article and just wanted to thank you for the work you do, this is very informative. I am still interested in bringing your program to Atlanta where it can greatly benefit a lot of people. just need the sponsorship info and others to see your Vision so we can make this happen.
Thanks & stay blessed
Helen O.